Tonight

There are things in life I could bitch about. So many things. I want to curse the heavens and ask God. "What the fuck?!?" Seriously, when am I going to get a mother fucking break?!? Since day one God has been breaking my balls. And I'm not talking about small things like giving me gigantic boobs and a flat ass or making me look completely different than anyone else in my family. No, life isn't fucked up enough with walking around thinking you're on the verge of death because you have "no color". Nah, it's not traumatizing enough going through life wondering if you really are adopted like your cousins claim you are. Nope, it wouldn't be fun to just watch me from the heavens tripping and falling because I'm COMPLETELY top heavy. Now don't get me wrong. I don't believe God is cruel. I just think He, like the rest of us, has a hell of a sense of humor...no matter how warped it may appear to anyone else. You see God didn't stop there with me. He gave me two, not one, but TWO mother fuckers that didn't want me. But I never let that bother me. I didn't even let the fact that because my parents didn't want me that they left me with my aunt who's husband DID want me, nightly, get to me. I decided long ago that I wasn't going to be a victim. I didn't even let my two very physically and emotionally abusive relationships get to me. Nah, I got up, dusted myself off and said, "Fuck you." I walked away from both of those mother fuckers, saddled with their kids and moved the fuck on... untouched and unbreakable. And I say that not to impress anyone. I say it because that what us real mother fuckers do. We regret nothing, we don't apologize and we never look back.

So I sit here and ask why? Why God?!? Why can't you cut me some slack? I've never asked for money, beauty or fame. Why must you deny me the one thing I want, love? And then I remember God has nothing to do with this and it's allllll me. So now my next line of questioning is for the stupid bitch looking back at me in the mirror. Why in the fuck have I allowed that stupid selfish mother fucker to do this to me? Why was I just in the bathroom on the toilet muffling my sobs because his fucking fat ass doesn't love me? Fuck him. Tonight is the LAST mother fucking night I sit and cry knowing I'm with the one man in the world who doesn't want me. You don't want me Fuckface?!?! Fine. Fuck you. Tonight is the last mother fucking night I feel this way. I'm gonna play your fucking game. I'm going to go with the flow. You, yes YOU... because I know your stupid ass is reading this right now....you have NO idea the fury you have unleashed. Tonight I fell out of love with you and BACK in love with me. Hell has no fury like a woman scorned. But you just really fucked yourself because not only am I Mexican but I'm a survior. I've come up against bigger demons than you. If ignoring me, pushing me away and brining me back just to dump me is all you have then you better go back to school mother fucker. Much like those stank ass farts you silently let go in the middle of the night...you know the ones, don't play dumb....the ones you make after a day of drinking Mexican beer, the ones that melt the paint off the wall and singe the mustache off of me...yeah those...just like those fucker that's how I'm going to attack. When you least expect it. You think I'm mean now? You have no idea the depth of cruel and heartless I can sink to when I simply stop giving a fuck. Remember Fuckface, I'm the mother fucking bitch's who own mother questioned the presence of a heart. Yeah, you have no idea. Tonight is the last night I cry in the shower to hide my tears. Tonight is the last night you hurt me. Tonight is the last night I shed anymore fucking tears. Tonight, we embark on a new era of us. Tonight you crossed the line. You will remeber tonight until you choke out your last breath. Right now I know you're thinking, "What in the fuck happened?!?" You're wondering what the fuck did I do? But now you're remembering that you don't fucking care. You're dismissing me again and remembering how my feelings don't matter. You're now thinking "she's pissed and full of shit but she'll calm down and all will be well." Think it asshole. Feel it. Be it. Wish it. Pray it. Will it away. Do what you need to but I'm not going to forget tonight. Tonight I stop being a victim.

I'm vindicative, hateful and angry. You have no idea how patient I can be. But. You. Will. Silly little Fuckface, the only thing worse than hate is apathy. A lesson I will happily bestow upon you.

To those of you fucking with the one you love or even think you love, take a little advice from me. Don't be a Fuckface. Remember, a person will do anything for the one they love EXCEPT love them again.